Zebra vs Crocs
by Will X
Summary: A Zebra angered. A croc murdered. A neighborhood set on fire. Cancelled
1. Chapter 1

" _Et has goon on to leng!"_ Said Larry. " _Dis es feenal straw dat brake da camel's back!_ " The Zeeba Zeeba Eeta High Council had convened an emergency session, following an attack on a croc. An attack ordered by Rat, the underhanded rodent warlord who more or less ruled the Neighborhood. An attack carried out by Guard Duck, his chief enforcer. An attack requested and paid for by Zebra, the sworn enemy of the crocs.

" _Yes_." Agreed another. " _Zeeba Neighba go_ TOO FAR _dis time!_ " A murmur of assent rippled throughout the room.

" _Now es time for acteen!_ " Shouted Bob, pounding his fist on the table. " _I moteen we deeclar war wid Zeeba!_ " Cheers erupted from around the table.

" _Ordah! Ordah!_ " shouted Larry. " _Eet-A-Zeeb must weigh in on wedder or nat we gab da resources to go to war._ " Eet-A-Zeeb was a corporation set up by Z.Z.E. to more or less fund the fraternity's costly anti-Zebra activities. It had raised money for the organization by providing advertising for Clive's Coffee Beans, a coffee company, and doing contract work for the U.S. government.

All eyes turns to the representative on the council, a croc named Phil. Phil blinked, waking up to the fact that everyone else expected him to say something.

" _Uh_ …" his voice trailed off. " _We haz duh moonies?_ " In truth, Phil had no idea what the state of the shell corporation's funds were, but only provided a response to satisfy the other council members.

Several crocs cheered, and everyone looked back at Larry.

" _Vary well._ " he said. " _All en fever?"_ Larry asked, in the strange accent used by most crocs. The entire council raised their claws. Larry banged his fist in the table, in lieu of a gavel.

" _Vary well_." Larry said. " _Da moteen passes. Generel Bob will preepar da troops._ "

* * *

The diner in which many of the inhabitants of the neighborhood dubbed "Pearlswood" often frequented was unusually empty as Zebra and Goat sat down to their weekly luncheon. Zebra hoped it was not a result of the latest shot fired in the ongoing feud between him and the crocs.

"So I heard you payed Rat to attack a croc?" Asked Goat as soon as the duo had ordered.

"Unfortunately so." responded Zebra, slightly ashamed. "But you have to understand, this croc was being _really_ annoying _._ Following me around outside of the neighborhood, hiding in my trash, _stealing my cable signal,_ I think you get the idea." Goat frowned, clearly disappointed with his friend for being so petty. At that moment, however, Zebra's iPhone buzzed. He answered it.

"Hello?"

"Listen Zebra, we need to talk." It was Rat. Zebra's snout twitched in confusion.

"Rat, I already had the fund wired to your account in Montenegro."

"This isn't about the payment. Dammit, Zebra!" he paused, breathing angrily. "This is about the attack you paid for! Those crocs are retaliating. Dammit Zebra, you just started a war!"

"Oh." Zebra said quietly.

* * *

 **This one was just an idea I had. We'll see where it goes from here, I suppose. Between my big Phineas and Ferb/Star Wars fanfic, and the two other fics I need to update, it might be awhile before I get back to this one. Please leave thoughts in your reviews.**


	2. The First Move is Made

The door to Rat's private office in his command bunker hissed open. He heard hoofsteps as Zebra entered, and then the doors closing again.

"I've been expecting you, Zebra." He did not turn around to meet his friend. Rather, he remained standing behind his desk and staring a large computer screen displaying a map of the neighborhood. It bathed him in blue light, but did little otherwise to brighten the darkened room.

"Is it true?" Zebra asked. Rat did not reply. "Did the crocs declare war on us?" With that final word; 'us', Rat snarled and turned around, nostrils flared.

"US?'' he screamed, jumping on top of his desk to appear taller. "THERE IS NO 'US', BARCODE BOY!" Zebra was not intimidated, as he was familiar with Rat's frequent, alcohol-induced outbursts. "I'M IN THIS ONLY BECAUSE, IN A MOMENT OF GODDAMN STUPIDITY, I ACCEPTED THE JOB YOU GAVE ME. AND NOW, I'M STUCK FIGHTING A WAR. WE MIGHT BE ON THE SAME SIDE, YOU SON OF A BITCH, BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE US A TEAM!" He stopped suddenly, his breathing heavy. "Needless to say," he finished calmly. "I'm going to work with you until until this crisis is resolved, but…" He paused. A thin, evil smile formed on his lips. "..that doesn't mean I have to like it."

* * *

 **One day, four hours later.**

 **Zeeba Eeeta Fraternity House**

The backyard of Zeeba Zeeba Eeta's fraternity house was abuzz with activity.

In one corner, several crocs were attempting to load guns and munitions into a hastily rented trailer that was parked where a hedge had previou stood. As they carefully maneuvered a munitions crate marked "Boolits" into the trailer, one croc stubbed his toe, and howled. He grabbed his foot and started swearing, unaware that without his assistance holding the crate, the other two were unbalanced. Both non-injured crocs and the crate tumbled off of the trailer's ramp. The scene would have been almost comical if not for the somber mood.

The yard's other corner hosted an equally hastily rented (read: stolen) anti-missile weapons emplacement being assembled by a neighbor of the fraternity's named Floyd. He had allied himself with them out of his extreme hatred for Rat.

Tucked behind the tool shed, the recently promoted 'General' Bob stood drilling some crocs on how to properly handle rifles. He was less than successful; half his class was suffering from gunshot-related injuries.

Larry stood on a balcony overlooking the backyard, frowning. Next to him stood his young son, Junior.

"Dad," his son began. "Why are you part of this?"

"Son," Larry replied "Zeeba Neighba has offended us too meeny times." Junior frowned.

"Being angry about Justin's death I can understand." the young croc said. "But he's never offended you multiple times."

"Oh, son." Larry replied. "You jus bad eet math." Junior frowned, but declined to comment on his father's lie. "Beesides," Larry continued. "We ess launching first srike." Junior turned rapidly to his father."

" _What_?"

* * *

"So Rat and Zebra are really going through with this 'war' thing?' Goat asked.

"Yep!' Pig replied cheerily. "Guard Duck even provided me with one of his people over there to guard me!"

Pig gestured to a man wearing a suit and dark sunglasses who was checking Pig's car for anything that could harm the party. Suddenly, the man turned and ran, throwing Pig and Goat backwards as he did so.

" _Get down_ , sir!" he shouted.

The car exploded. Twisted pieces of metal flew everywhere, and one of the rearview mirrors struck Goat on the head, knocking the mammal unconscious. Shakily, Pig stood up, and helped his bodyguard to his feet.

"Inform Rat." he said. "The crocs have struck back."

* * *

 **I'm surprised I actually got to his chapter.**

 **Between all of my other fics, and my real life, it's nice to get back to this one story occasionally.**


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